A Valentine's Card for You!

Valentine’s Day is upon us. Are you down in the dumps with relationship troubles and find yourself vegging out and over-eating as a means of self-comfort? Do Valentine's Day your own way by getting out of this cycle using these strategies to nurture your 4 Compass Points from my book www.keepyoureyeontheprize.org:

Physical:

1. Get exercise, whether working out at the gym or walking in a safe mall or other enclosed area. Exercise has proven antidepressant effects.

2. Increase protein, decrease carbohydrates, which can leave you hungrier than you were before. Food nourishes our souls as well as our bodies, and the next blog will talk more about this connection. If you don’t enjoy foods that are non-starch and non-sugar, now is the time to explore new options. Look to Asian, Indian, Mexican, Cajun, or other ethnic recipes for delicious dishes that will enliven your senses but won’t sabotage your weight. Enjoy them with music and a friend for maximum pleasure.

Emotional:

Call a friend or get together for a walk or coffee if you can. Being alone can make things worse emotionally.

Mental:

1. Do you have hobbies that you enjoy? Focus on them for mental distraction and emotional sustenance. If not, explore some possibilities.

2. Mentally people often “go behind enemy lines” obsessively punishing themselves for situations they did not cause and cannot control. If this rings a bell, teach yourself the three C’s:

• I didn’t Cause it.

• I can’t Control it.

• I can’t Change it.

Spiritual:

No one has control in life. This is why we need a strong spiritual core to sustain us. Turn problems over to your Higher Power every day, and you will be comforted, and seek companionship of those who believe as you do. See the lesson on the Spiritual Quadrant.

New Year's Revolution-- Say "No!" to the Tyrant!

Are you one of the people who makes New Year resolutions, only to have them dissolve within a few weeks? Take weight loss, for example: The bullying “tyrant” inside your mind begins the familiar attack: “Look at yourself! You have no discipline and have gotten fat. You should lose weight, so do it right now!” Panicked, you resolve to diet, work out, and lose that extra poundage. You start the diet and go to the gym, but soon your willpower fails, as you revert back to old patterns under the stresses of everyday life. The tyrant punishes you for your failure, and you feel more guilty, worthless, and depressed. You surrender; you just cannot make huge life changes all at once.

Here’s a new strategy. Break the cycle of failure. This year, start a New Year’s Revolution by saying “No!” to the tyrant of the “shoulds” of your life. “I should lose weight; I should go to church/ temple; I should give more parties; I should do a better job at work; I should be a better friend; I should stop smoking/ drinking/ doing drugs.” The list is endless, and your internal tyrant has impossibly high standards.

But what do you do if there really are changes that you need to make for health or relationship reasons? Focus on only one change, devise a plan that makes it as small a life change as possible, and try to stick to that. Do not try to change everything about your life at the same time. If you need to lose weight, clear it with your doctor to ensure you have no medical obstacles to this and begin a sensible plan. Do not crash diet, as your body will interpret this as starvation and ramp up your appestat to compensate for your diminished intake, resulting in your regaining the lost weight and a few more pounds to boot. We will talk about diet later, but here is a simple plan: Reduce your calorie intake by only 100 calories a day and you will lose about 10 pounds in a year without too much pain. Add some exercise, and you lose more. Again, nothing radical— adding extra steps in your usual routine, taking walks over lunch or at breaks, using the stairs rather than the elevator. 

If your problems are more serious, like relationship problems, alcohol, or drugs, you will need social support and possibly professional help to implement these changes. Search out online or other resources, including groups that can encourage you and serve as examples of success. In the diet example, Take Off Pounds Sensibly (TOPS) and Keep Off Pounds Sensibly (KOPS) are free support groups that focus on weight control, like Alcohols Anonymous, which concentrates on sobriety. There are many other suggestions and resources in my first book (www.keepyoureyeontheprize.org). Bottom line: if you decide to make a New Year’s Resolution, keep your goal small and realistic— something attainable that can fit into your life without adding a new “should” to the list. If you stumble, forgive yourself. It does not mean that you are a failure; it may be that your plan was too ambitious and needs to be modified. Reward yourself for small successes, and your tyrant will be the one to shrink away and surrender!