Anxiety Aid

Jay and Mary Ann have had life-long free-floating anxiety, which presents with vague physical symptoms without medical basis. They have tried various medications but dislike the side-effects. They asked, “Is there any hope for handling it without drugs?” Indeed there is! After checking in with your physician to ensure there are no medical problems that account for the anxiety (including medications you might be taking), try these simple strategies for at least one month to see if they help: (1) Diet— Eliminate sources of stimulants such as caffeine, including that in sodas, chocolate, coffee, tea, and substances, like nicotine, drugs, and alcohol. Boost your body’s level of tryptophan by increasing your intake of turkey breast and dairy. Consider taking melatonin, a naturally-occurring hormone that regulates the sleep cycle and works as a sleep and anxiety-reducing aid for many people. Doses above 3 mg. have not been shown to give additional benefit. Chamomile and passion flower have anxiety-relieving effects for some people. (2) Exercise— Try to get in at least 20 minutes of aerobic exercise a day in order to increase your body’s level of endorphins— naturally-occurring brain chemicals that relieve pain, anxiety, and depression. (3) Social Support—Some anxious people withdraw from others, but the isolation can intensify rather than diminish the anxiety. Try getting out in low-keyed social environments, like the gym, which can help you stay fit as well as provide camaraderie. (4) Work on your thinking— Are you obsessive compulsive and perfectionistic? If so, dare to be average! Lower your expectations of perfection for yourself (and others) and you may find your anxiety decreases while your relationships benefit too. (5) Asian techniques—Alternate Channel Breathing (ACB) and meditation are relaxation methods that have been used for thousands of years by the Hindus. When you feel anxious or panicky, find a quiet place (even a public restroom will do if you are at an event) to do ACB for a few minutes or until you feel calmer. There is neurobiological evidence that this technique can break an episode of panic by equilibrating the airflow across the sphenopalatine ganglion. Here is the technique: 

1. Inhale from Side 1 nostril while covering Side 2 nostril, but don’t press so hard that you interfere with the air flow into Side 1. (In 1)

2. Exhale from Side 2 while covering Side 1 (Out 2)

3. Inhale from Side 2 while keeping Side 1 covered (In 2)

4. Exhale from Side 1 while covering Side 2 (Out 1)

Try these five strategies and you may get the breakthrough you seek. Let me know how they work for you. More  tips in my book: www.keepyoureyeontheprize.org             

Letting Go

As the old year passes into the new, Sharon and Mike are dealing with multiple personal losses. They have each divorced and moved to new cities—leaving relationships and their homes of many years. They are struggling with a loss of history and identity, and the grief is intense and understandable. Having tried unsuccessfully for years to salvage their respective relationships, they are having trouble letting go. They believe that the future will be worse than the past, and guilt results in obsessive thinking about the “would-haves, could-haves, and should-haves.” At this point, however, the obsessing is becoming counter-productive, keeping them anxious, depressed, and emotionally trapped in the past without hope. How can they let go of a painful but important past?

There are two realities within loss— the external reality of the lost “object,” i.e. person or situation, and the internal reality (the meaning) of the lost object. The internal meaning evolves over the course of the relationship, becoming an entrenched internal narrative. This narrative is much more complex than just the one-on-one relationship. Instead, the meaning has layers that usually involve our early family relationships, values, and, most importantly, our fantasy about the relationship and how life was supposed to unfold. In the end, for both Sharon and Mike, the fantasy collapsed under the weight of reality and the relationship failed. This important issue is discussed more in my book, Keep Your Eye on the Prize! (www.keepyoureyeontheprize.org). The good news is that this narrative does not have to be permanent, because the past is never static within our souls. We are always reshaping our feelings about what happened in our lives and why, and that that includes our understanding of our relationships. Sharon’s and Mike’s task is to look at their old mental narratives with “new eyes,” gain insights, and develop a new “wise woman/ wise man” perspective that replaces the old script. Over time, as they integrate new narratives into their lives, they can move past the loss and open themselves up to new relationships and life experiences.

If you are struggling with letting go, try this: first, limit the amount of “obsessing time” per day and use that energy to explore one or two options for getting out and being with other people, whether family or not. Getting out with people is important to reduce loneliness and isolation. This can be as simple as going to the gym at a certain time each day and getting to know the “regulars” there, going to sporting events, church, or temple, or volunteering at a shelter, library, or school. Second, change the environment and turn to distracting activities. Distractions can be music, movies, television, handiwork, hobbies, clubs, community events, whatever interests you. Make these two actions habits and over time, you will find that the loss begins to feel distant and unimportant. You realize that the future is different, but not necessarily worse than the past. Like a dandelion releasing its seed in the wind, in creating your new life, you have released the old pain. You have finally let go.